The following content and links may contain triggering material.
…radio silence since the year started, then all of a sudden, take a number and have a seat there’s such an awful lot of you!
This entry was supposed to be about how I woke up one morning and found a Faery Gold Arrowhead of Radiant Shame in the otherreal hanging over my bed in the corporeal, from a necklace that I tried to wear after but it made my chest feel clouded over because the faery gold arrowhead of radiant shame was the pendant. It radiated shame. When I figured its effects would be more difficult to keep track of unless it was on me, I knitted the laces into a glove that fit into my left hand. That way, I would always know where it was, but it wouldn’t put the whammy on me.
And then this entry was supposed to be about Marigold suddenly appearing in the grassy knoll I call Erstvale with an archery bow (Marigold had an archery bow, not the grassy knoll,) and showing me how to send a shard of the shard flying from the glove, and we argued. And I had my own interpretation of what all that was about, which was supposed to be humane and craftily written and poignant about the symbolism or something. Marigold suggested that I visualize my abusers in the field with us, and start shooting at them for practice. When I suggested scarecrows, instead, because I actually don’t like to think about my abusers or interact even with mock-ups of them, Marigold responded with a sternly-worded reminder that those scarecrows didn’t do anything to me. Frackking Fairylands.
Instead, I’m ramblogging about after the lesson, which lasted about a week in corporeal time and maybe four hours or so in Faery. I wandered from Erstvale into some random room with a clean, friendly-looking concierge desk and papers stacked on it. Two people sat behind the desk, who I knew well but never met before. One, let’s call him Vanilla, is one of the fathers of my fairy mother Vanda. He comes off as basically a very beige and distilled sort of…if the Prince Charming most twee had aged out and retired from adventuring without ever fully losing the twee. The other one was Marigold’s daughter, let’s call her Marjoram. She comes off more like the Goth girl who hates the world and always has a pen knife up her sleeve, but from what I gleaned of her story before I met her, she really aspires to be sheltered.
Somehow, my first conversation with them went around to asking if they could look up the most immediately associated fairies who intervene with human lives, and make all that explicit for me. According to Vanilla, whenever my sort of people (corporeal people) decide to have their people interact with my people…those people go through Eddy. Eddy, whose story I never learned, because he never speaks and has no face and is colorless because he’s a literal body of water in a tux, who I haven’t seen in years of corporeal-world time, who made off with all the books, the furniture, and the carpet of my attempted memory palace, who never calls and never writes (and who I might have polluted into an entirely different personality one time and mistakenly referred to as ‘Murky’ instead of ‘Eddy’ for a couple of days.)
Fairy Grandpappy could freely tell me which ones but not of who else’s interacted with Eddy. When I asked about how many fairies like them were pushing the papers around with concerns about my own life, though, and who else other than Eddy would be interacting with who else, or who else I didn’t know about…Marjoram interrupted with how I wasn’t allowed to know that. Fairy Grandpappy told me anyway, so nyah.
I elaborated on the question, asking if there were any requests for specific ritual offerings by anyone. Vanilla said, in the most neutral way that only he can manage, that, “None of us want anything from you.” Before I could get into a broader conversation about, well, does the spirit world have any sort of economy then, or why anyone would bother with me if I couldn’t return the efforts or favors, or how does it work? Marjoram piped up with how, actually, Marigold wanted me to become sexually active, because it was the best way to get my energy focused.
When I retreated, with expeditiousness and haste, to Erstvale, I found the gazebo and Vanda standing within it. She asked me if Vanilla had told me about her, and I said yes, and she asked why I asked, and I said…blah, blah, blah, my fairy mother claims to have a plan but I can’t be let in on it and she doesn’t like that I’m so nosy. Then she said, here have three gold coins, and she gave me two. Yay, my fairy mother gave me monies I…do not know what to do with this.
And then something happened with Queen Myrtle that I’ll probably elaborate more on if something else doesn’t happen.