Another thing about the dual symbolism that I drafted for the ogdoad (my elemental system) of Queen is, personally, it demonstrates the sort of journey that I took to personal empowerment, the turnkey moment being: I was not going to conform. I could never please anybody else.
This wasn’t a bootstraps-pulling decision. It was despair at the inevitable. There would always be some notion that I would be too much of one thing, and this would sustain into something else coming in to mean that I’m not enough of that exact same thing. The dual pressures can tear a person apart.
That’s shown in the above picture, the symbol on the right, one of the Queen restrained.
So, if I can’t do anything right, then I may as well do what I want. (Now if only I knew what that was…) That sentiment would be symbolized by the sigil on the left in the image above, one of the Queen radiant.
In any case, that was the alchemical process of authenticity that I’ve experienced firsthand, and I might not be alone in it. As someone told me lately, imagination is what saves us from merely fitting into the roles we’re shown and given. It’s within the domain of expressive imagination that one can authentically be oneself.
I recognize the dual paradox (or the response to it) that generates this creative force, in homes situated in impossible locations, in fairy tales such as East of the Sun, West of the Moon (because, I guess, a person can’t possibly go further east than where the sun ever is, and be west of the moon at the same time, but that might all just be a figure of speech), and The Founding of the West (“Clarice looked in all directions, and with no hesitation slid from her steed and grabbed one rod of man and one root of Faery. She slammed each into the other world, and with a great sigh pulled forth her own heart, burying it between the two.” — I don’t know why she did that, or how Clarice knew what what she did would do and I hate this language sometimes right now, but when I’m reading that story I just feel like, duh, that is the way to do it, of course it is. That may not be the only way, but I get the sense that dual paradox would be the simplest way to get this thing that isn’t simple at all just happening and done. It all makes perfect emotional-symbolic sense.)