EDIT 2017-02-11: Oy, stop reading and re-reading this years-old entry! I write other way more interesting stuff too now that I’m not so fucking emo. And literally ANY other spread in my cartomancy tag worked better, which is why I use those other spreads way more often instead of this one. Go look those up instead, go on, shoo! Or go to Aeclectic!
Seriously the amount of traffic I get to this specific post is bizarre, and even kind of hurts my feelings. Because I blog way more articulately about so many other topics, too, you know! 😦 Look, Jungian psychology! Look, Arthurian Alchemy from a postcolonial standpoint! Do you like mudkipz? GET OUTTA HERE.
Lavender (the personification associated with my Shadowscapes tarot deck,) eloped with Eddy (who’d been a sort of dream guardian.) This was a long time ago, but I haven’t really felt like adjusting my reading style since then. This is the first deck that I’ve truly connected with, had truly intuitive readings with, and it was probably because of that first time I opened it up for a reading…I lowered the inhibitions of my imagination and thought of some consolidated space of all calculated information, and I saw a floating island like a cluster of amethyst crystals, floating over an ocean at sunset. Lavender coalesced later, but I think that she’s from there.
When I’ve taken this deck up again, though, it seems that something got in there, because the deck just feels heavy and grouchy most of the time. When I was feeling particularly anxious last night over professional duties that I’ve been failing, I dusted my deck off, shuffled, and drew The Devil.
Tonight, I thought that I’d give myself a proper reading, like I used to but with my uninspired but reliable beginner deck (Rider-Waite Smith.)
I think that something else came into my Shadowscapes one, and I’ve gotten a feel and method for which cards I should pick, but I didn’t have a spread in my foggy mind until this new one came to…from what I would like to believe were the Otherfaith deities because there was such a strong “compass rose” vibe from it.
As a reading, though, it came off to me quite all over the place.
Clockwise from topmost card, then center:
1. Clarene : 9 of Swords, reversed
2. Darren : 3 of Pentacles
3. Dierne : 9 of Wands
4. Laetha-Dierne? : 3 of Swords
5. Laetha : Temperance
6. Laethelia : 10 of Wands
7. Ophelia : Judgment
8. Ophelene : 2 of Swords
9. Center : The Devil
10. Cross : 4 of Wands
(Apologies to the Other People if I got the elemental-directional correspondents wrong. My mind has ingrains of quarter-calling.)
My long interpretation and oversharing rambles (about addictions, disorders, and supernatural suspicions) under the cut.
I usually read the Devil as a focus, bordering on addiction; addictions to things that I might have used to enjoy but because I do this or use that so often, I don’t enjoy it anymore, but can’t stop because the alternative is worse. Lavender used to tell me “The Devil” when she thought that I was being mean.
It’s also a bit tricksy because my main addiction in the past had been asceticism. So, when the Devil comes up, and I interpret it as, “be careful not to get addicted to something” I wonder how to be careful not to get addicted to averting addiction (that is, avoiding any attachment, although that itself is an attachment. The way that my mind works has caused me suffering.)
Within the compass rose, The Devil got me feeling as if something had been done to me along the lines of a curse, rather than something I do myself, or something like a collective or personal Shadow that I must confront and process. (The Devil as Kraboz or Carabosse, for instance, as I have recently referred to that as my version of the devil.) A curse? That’s the last way that I want to interpret it, because it’s such a cliché.
But, that’s how I’d read it. Some force beyond the mundane has interfered with the 4 of Wands, celebration and family.
I’d interpret the rest as…
The Clarene says: Don’t worry about it. You did everything that you could. (9 of Swords reversed in the position of Sovereignty.)
The Laethelia and Dierne say: You’ve taken on more than you can negotiate or enjoy. (10 and 9 of Wands in the position of negotiation and joy.)
I don’t know what the impasse in the position of retribution and action means (2 of Swords, says the Ophelene.) That I have ill-constructed personal boundaries? Is the Darren encouraging me to chalk it up to experience? (3 of Pentacles.) The Laetha-Dierne direction doesn’t quite exist in the mythos at the time of this writing, but the 3 of Swords certainly captures how I’ve felt about all this, quite heartbroken.
The major presences appear to be The Ophelia and The Laetha. The Judgment card, I usually read as a release, but I keep feeling this vibe of frustrated motion from this card even though it’s not reversed. Temperance in the position of technology is another major feature, which…well, it would be.
Basically, I had a deadline that I set myself and pledged to a client. Between a bout of flu, a typhoon, and internet service provider issue after hardware browser software update issue after inexplicable issue (what appears to be regular blogging here has mostly been queued and written weeks in advance, except for when something like this comes up) I missed it by more than a week. I’m still wrangling with uploads of what’s done, as well as finishing the task itself off, and I feel awful. I mean, emotionally awful.
My incorporeal familiars don’t usually bother me when I’m being task-y like this, and since Lavender and Eddy and even a time before then when I didn’t have my familiars, I expect them to disappear for long stretches at random times. Perhaps whatever the Devil represents has come between us, though. Then again, I probably would like to blame something outside my dominion of influence.
I still must also wonder if this is an Otherfaith pantheon thwapping, or if whatever got into my deck knew that I’d taken an interest in the Otherfaith and just decided to mess around when I’ve had a bad couple of weeks…I don’t quite see where the needle of the compass points to, as it were.
Has the clash between perhaps a local manifestation of The Ophelia (a tropical cyclone) and The Laetha (service provider failed to provide service as a result) actually represented the very mundane devil to deal with rather than an individual’s curse directed more supernaturally?
The reading might be all over the place because my mind’s all over the place. If Lavender were here, she’d mellow everything out and convey something wise, and I’d feel like everything would have come clear, but she and Eddy are probably off having adventures and I wouldn’t want to drag them back from that even if I could, I feel like there’s just clear air between Lavender, Eddy and myself instead of bonds of kindred something or other.